Enough. I have had enough.

I am hiding it no more. OK, I surrender; I am not good at all to hide my real emotions and gut feelings. I am so naive that I thought I possibly could.
係啊, 我真係好唔開心. 我之不過唔想好似博同情咁啫, 想收收埋埋假裝無事, 逞下強之ma. 唔駛一定要咁殘忍篤爆佢啊!?
無錯我係經常都好悲觀. 你地都無講錯. 不過你可以嘗試下係我既SITUATION, 睇下你開唔開心到?
睇怕都無咩人可以好似我咁黑仔啦.


我屋企買左十幾廿萬雷曼兄弟.
唔駛講, 十幾廿年辛辛苦苦, 一亳子一亳子儲番來既錢就付之流水.
仲有一大堆仆街成日話我地抵死, 係咁叫政府唔好幫我地, 你地知唔知我地有幾慘?!
唔好話我啊媽唔識D FINANCE野走去投資好愚蠢. 有幾多 (連埋我媽) 係完全唔知自己買緊雷曼?!
D銀行既人剩係話呢D係一D RISK都無架, 仲有多D息, 傻既先唔要. 無錯我地係有D貪心. 你問心, 有邊個1D都唔會?! 佢地又唔話俾你知你買緊迷你債券! 無RISK架WOR! 多幾厘息架WOR!

你唔同情我都唔緊要, 你知唔知有好多已經無左工作能力既公公婆婆既畢生積蓄就係俾D咁唔負責任既銀行職員倒落大海?! 無人幫佢地講下公道說話! 俾你買左你仲可以咁冷靜咁落井下石咩!?

我都仲未講完我D黑仔野.
依家我老豆間公司怒炒人, 係大陸既公司蝕左一千萬. 依家公司裡面人人人心惶惶, 連呢個月有無人工出都不知. 假如有個萬一...你叫一個唔識英文, 做製造業既中年男人點搵工?
係度上左成個幾月堂, 都唔知個ACC380K.2講咩.
個個星期唔係要交CASE, 就係要QUIZ/考試 (OR BOTH)
響呢度成日都要摺功課, 完全做唔到自己想做既野 (依家我其實係應該做緊聽日個CASE, 再睇READINGS...不過我實在頂唔順啦.)
辛辛苦苦做完既case都係well below mean...
APPLY D JOBs 好多都石沈大海, 音信全無.
做AP.TEST驚到手震, 睇怕都凶多吉少.
仲有, 依家咁既市況, 點搵工? 起薪點插水, 點對抗通脹?

去EXCHANGE:
壞電腦 - 無哂D DATA, 無哂D GAME, 無哂D圖, 無哂EVERYTHING
壞NDSL - 成日HANG, 不過依家好左
壞DC - 好番, 不過本身都係廢廢地既
爛喼 - 爆哂D 轆
新買既泳鏡唔知俾D咩野蝕壞左
有一件OK鐘意既T-SHIRT洗破了
生病 - SORE THROAT - 吃不下咽, 說不了話, 持續左兩個星期有多
在機場呆等了超過十二小時
食無定時, 也試過連續沒有吃晚飯, 早餐和午餐
N個小時沒有水飲
REG COURSE 好煩, 完全揀唔到自己想要個D, 俾EXCHANGE COORDINATOR 屈機
MISS了SHUTTLE要打的 (好Q貴)
去UNIVERSAL的時候一邊耳朵聽不到聲音, 依家都會間歇性失聰

依家攞過來既750G HDD又壞左, 裡面既寶貴DATA付諸東流.
來到呢度也成日都隱藏唔到自己既唔開心, 搞到識唔到D咩新朋友, 都混唔熟.
再唔係就係俾人設計, 中左都仲白白痴痴咩都唔知.
又俾人安個莫名其妙既名號, 郁下就來恥笑我.
我可能有點兒過敏, 我都知.
I am starting to thinking everyone is my enemy, and everything is my foe.
I know I am on the wrong track but I can't stop it. It kept stirring up in my mind endlessly with something else.

今年再前D既時候, CGA插左水.
連續兩年共有3個親戚過身...
仲俾好Friend既朋友出賣...
陳年舊病又嚴重左 (or無好轉)
Standard Chartered 連 Personality Test 都過唔到...
要逐個逐個慢慢List真係沒完沒了...

I do not have ways to cope with my emotion other than attempting to hide it, which is failing. Do not tell me not to hide it, you have no idea how odd it is. I do not want to look as if a cat self-licking its wound pitifully, indulged in self-pity.

I wished to smash somebody hardly, or crying like crazy in somebody's hug, but I can do neither. I just don't know what to do.

Am I going to get over these? All on my own, as supposed to be for an "independent" person? Frankly, I hate to say so many in my blog, it sounds as if I am garnering pity. Maybe indeed I am. So sad.