Facing the music

Come on, Michael. Let's face the music. You are not at all appealing, you have virtually no charm. Your intelligence is only slighter better than a bare rock, and is constantly revealed to your peers by your dumb act. You have absolutely no clue about how to maintain inter-personal relationships, nor do you know how to initiate one. And that is the central culprit of your critical deficiency of self-confidence. The belief that people talk to you not because they wanted to, but only because they have to, further drives people away from you. Thus, the only thing that you can linger to, building an airy vanity of false superiority, is the delicate image that you attempted to project- that you are at least capable of working harder than others. But that only shields you more from friendly approaches. And there is then an infinite loop of vicious circle, as further failure in networking annihilates the already depleted poise. Now that you are aware of it, it is already too late, tardus, which in Verzweiflung geraten. Envy, jealousy, discontent and rage towards yourself are all that you could seize. Then you always ran away by promising and rationalizing that you would do better the next time, never being aware of the heartrending fact that there is something that only happens once.

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Recognizing one's deficiencies is the first step towards overcoming them. Above I put forward my weaknesses as plainly as I could. The next step would obviously be remedying them. I have totally no idea about whether I would be able to, nor do I discern how long the remediation would takes. Nevertheless, I got to be strong, this time not because I am compelled to, but solely based on my sincere desire. Be STRONG is all I want.